Learning to Love Yourself

Being in a relationship takes up a lot of psychic energy. When I have been in relationships, I have often seen my boyfriend two or three nights in a week, with a couple of calls in between. Your body almost hums with the memory and presence of your partner, even when he isn't there. It's a great feeling, one of the best. But it saps your energy for other things.

For almost a decade, I felt deprived because I was missing that primal hum. Part of it was the simple fact of twentysomething hormones coursing through my body. When you're that age, you're ripe for partnership and love. Often, the presence or absence of it is a constant presence in your life. But then again, now that I'm almost 32, I should be hearing the ticking of my biological clock, which should be making me even more hormonal. There's no doubt that I long for companionship. But something's changed.

Living your best life gives your soul a spark that animates every aspect of your life. I think one of the biggest things that was holding me back as a twentysomething was that I simply wasn't following my bliss. God wants us to partake of the very best things in life, and when you are living a dream, not having a partner is not so much of a burden. At this point in my life, I follow my bliss in everything, from pursuing my dreams professionally to having a pistachio almond ice cream cone whenever I feel like it. I no longer diet to please men, no longer torture myself with the heels, no longer waste my money on the expensive makeup or the time shopping for clothing that will hide my "size."

Instead, I eat chicken parmigiana, shrimp pad thai, steak frites whenever I feel like it (and do Weight Watchers several times a year to take off the weight I put on). I allow myself to relax in my clothes, to just be a normal girl in jeans and a t-shirt like everyone else, chillin' and comfortable in my skin. I indulge myself by doing the things that inspire and refresh me, going to see live dance, visiting museums, volunteering. If I want to, I buy an extra pillow for my bed, just because.

Not being in a relationship still hurts. But, in some ways, I am the person I am in a relationship with now. I am making love to myself in so many ways, nurturing and caressing every aspect of my soul, from my passions to my dreams to my purpose. It's a great way to live.