"Props" Don't Make The Woman

I really feel like I've recently come into a sense of myself as a woman that has been so empowering and enjoyable. I feel like, approaching 32, I've really hit my stride. I wanted to share some of my thoughts about what I've learned as I approach middle age.

One of the biggest things I've learned is that, for me, sexuality is not something I demonstrate, but something I experience. I am not interested in false facsimiles of sexuality; I am interested only in the genuineness that marks the truly erotic. The self-consciously even features, workout-prized muscles, slim modelesque physiques, or expensive hairstyles which harken "sexiness" to so many of my female confreres leave me cold. Sexuality is so much more than a laundry list of physical perfections and imperfections. Physically, I'm attracted to what I'm attracted to, but it's hardly this obscene caricature of erotic magnetism which seems so contrived and irrelevant. Biology speaks its own peculiar language, and it's rarely the pidgin dialect of the modern-day cultural savage.

My womanhood is not dependent upon "props," upon looking a certain way or being a certain weight. This is so because my womanhood is dependent upon my own arousal, not on how others perceive me.  I experience myself as a woman because of my erotic response to the world around me, from the nurturing sensations of taste and touch as a delicious meal slides down my throat and into my belly to the soaring of my mind, heart and soul as I listen to an RJD2 song. I feel sexy because I feel aroused - often, as much as I can. That's been my guide on dating, too. I approach dating and men from the heart, looking for people who arouse me on the inside. It's a good way to move forward.

How do I nurture my sexuality today? By eating scrumptious food, making beautiful electronic music, choreographing transcendent pieces, doing feminist and political activism through my writing and blogs, adding to my musical and literary collections, improving my relationship with God, nurturing myself through diet and exercise, spending as much time with loved ones as I can, achieving in my career and at school, and having as much fun as humanly possible in between. It's all really good sex. When there's a guy to share in the fun, all the better. Until then, the band plays on. Onward, vixen soldiers!