Real Women Have Lives

I’m really loving my life lately. I’m tremendously busy with school, work, creating art, my friendships, nurturing my creativity and my intellect with art and ideas, and enjoying delicious food. My days are full, and for the most part I’m happy. Happier than I’ve ever been.

And one of the best victories I’ve had has been my choice to free myself from the tyranny of my looks obsessions. I spent my entire twenties preoccupied with my looks. While, as I got older, I loosened up a bit, especially in my early twenties I almost always had on high heels and foundation. I spent more money than I care to think about on clothing, designer make-up and expensive toiletries.

And we’ve been socialized to think that this is kind of normal for women, haven’t we? I mean, it’s not normal for ALL women. Many of us actually have quite a bit of perspective on this whole appearance issue. But at least as far as the media is concerned, we women are kind of fixated on the whole beauty thing. Bikini waxes, knee boots, lengthening mascara, mani-pedis… some of us take it to a whole other level.

I was one of those someones. The weird thing was I thought I was normal. I thought I needed to do all this stuff to catch up with all the other girls who were just naturally gorgeous, and I thought it was the only way I could make guys like me. Humph. Some mind game. I didn’t realize I was just fine the way I was.

I realize it now. I don’t have to be skinny or wear makeup. Just like, if I like a guy, it doesn’t matter if he’s twenty pounds overweight and in sweats or actor-thin and in an Armani suit, I can just relax and be myself and know that, when the right guy does finally come along, he’ll find me. I don’t need or want the attention any more. Frankly, it would distract me from writing my book and dreaming up my next big nonprofit marketing strategy and practicing my Mandarin on my commutes.

I am having way too much fun eating enchiladas verde and doing Krav Maga and going on long walks through the city while talking with my friends to waste my time dieting or wearing foundation or hobbling my feet in high-heeled boots. I encourage all of you to do the same. Life’s too short to spend your time and money contorting yourself into some arbitrary image of beauty and then waiting for someone to notice you. You’re fine the way you are. Eventually, the right guy will find you.